Content
This is the html that we pulled from the URL. It’s been sanitized, so it will only contain safe tags.
Ruth Griffin posing for Life Magazine in her final shoot.
Does anyone actually welcome change? Ruth Griffin has been one of Ireland's most successful models for more than 15 years. When we meet, she has booked her last ever modelling job for that coming weekend. Recently turned 38, Ruth has been modelling since she was 22, but seems utterly unfazed at the thought of giving up the only career she's ever known.
It is the latest in a series of huge about-turns in life that Ruth has dealt with in the last few years. Change is something that has been foisted on her. Something she has had to become used to.
In 2008, Ruth married former Munster rugby player, and now sports pundit, Alan Quinlan, moved to Limerick, cut back massively on her modelling career in favour of domestic bliss, and had a baby - the gorgeous AJ. Sadly, the couple split when AJ was a year and a half old, and Ruth and her son moved back to her native Dublin.
'I would say I'm pretty adaptable,' Ruth smiles now. 'I've kind of learnt over the years that you control nothing.' Her life, as it is today, is nothing like she thought it would be five years ago, Ruth acknowledges.
'Absolutely. I'm in a totally different place. I wouldn't be someone who put set structures or plans in place. But the plan five years ago was to be married, and have a few little ones, and be at home with them for as long as possible,' she says.
'Always, my plan after modelling was to have my own little boutique, or beauty parlour or florist. My own little venture. But, sure, that's not going to happen now. I think it's just human nature to rage against the machine, and just kind of go, 'Shoulda, coulda, woulda.' Or, 'God damn it.''' But Ruth isn't the self-pitying type - that sort of behaviour was never going to last.
'These things happen and you can't control so much in life. But what you can control, 100 per cent, is your reaction to things that do happen. So, when good things happen, or bad things happen, you adapt to the situation. And just get on with it,' she shrugs phlegmatically.
Did she grieve for the death of her planned future; for what she thought her life was going to be? 'No, I didn't have time to go through a grieving process because I had a little one that I loved and adored,' she says. 'And I was euphoric after having AJ. He was born out of absolute love. The relationship didn't work, but this gorgeous, gorgeous little light-filled creature came in.'
After the marriage ended, Ruth and AJ moved back to south Dublin, where she is surrounded by friends and family. Her parents and three sisters live in various locations within five minutes of her house. This strong support network quickly became a vital lifeline when she decided to go back to college in 2011 to do a masters in management in the Michael Smurfit Graduate Business School, while also still holding down the modelling career as a means of paying the bills.
Ruth describes her dad as the 'loveliest man. He's just such a good man. The best father, best grandfather.' On the morning of our shoot, he steps in as babysitter, enabling Ruth to meet our 7.30am start.
Studying business wasn't an obvious choice. 'Absolutely not,' Ruth says emphatically. 'Academically, my background would have been in Arts; French and English. Before modelling, I worked in an art gallery. So, no, it wasn't an obvious choice, but what I liked about it was that it gave me the skills to be able to work in almost any field, and to be able to understand the logistics of running a business.
'And it gave me confidence, as well, after years and years of modelling.' she says. 'I felt that this degree would reawaken my mind a little bit. Having a baby and modelling for a long time; you're using a different side of the brain.' But Ruth has always had a deeply practical streak, and providing a future for her and her son was a priority.
Looking back, now that she has graduated, Ruth can allow herself to admit that the last few years haven't always been the easiest. AJ was two and a bit when she started the two-year course, which finished late last year. He went to Montessori four mornings a week. In those hours, and the evenings after he went to bed, Ruth managed to cram in her studies and her modelling work.
'I'm just so delighted that's over. My mind feels free,' she exclaims. She definitely changed over that period, becoming hardier, but also forcing herself to reach out for help from those around her, to get over notions of being a burden. 'I was very focused on just getting it done, on making a living and on doing the best job I could with AJ,' she explains. 'And, as well, I was trying to navigate a divorce, which is never easy. And, to do it in kind of a discreet way, I think I was, maybe, not really very easy in myself. It was tough.
'At times, I felt really overwhelmed. For sure,' she says. 'I've a really, really strong support network; really close family, excellent friends. And the one thing I did learn was you can't be like, 'Oh no, that's grand, I'll do it myself.'' This would be her natural, default reaction, Ruth admits. 'I learnt pretty quickly that this was not really working. The people in my life are such good people, who genuinely just wanted to help me. So, instead of me feeling like, 'Oh God, I'm imposing on them', I realised that, just maybe, they would feel great about helping me. And so to just ask for the help.'
It's only now that she acknowledges how much she was contending with. 'I knew it was going to be a difficult few years. And you know that that is your reality; there's no point whinging and whining about it. It just has to be done, and your feet are very firmly planted on the ground, and you've a little one, so there's no, like, 'Oh, I feel sad.'''
Ruth's not really one for lamenting the difficulties of being AJ's primary carer. For one thing, it's all she's ever really known, for so long now, that she's made it work for her, admitting that, in a way, she enjoys being the one making most of the day-to-day decisions.
'I would say the challenges of it, from a practical point of view, are trying to juggle working with childcare,' she says. 'With modelling, I was very lucky. I was able to either bring him with me, or bring him to my family for a few hours. Now that I'm looking for more of a structure, I'm just wondering, practically speaking, how to do it.
'Living on my own, I would say the only time I have ever gone, 'Oh, what have I done here now?' was in the middle of the night, when he was sick,' she says. 'Particularly before he started talking, when you don't know what's wrong. And I've been like, 'What if I'm underreacting here?' There's no one else to bounce your fears off. That's kind of the only time where I've kind of felt lonely in being a mum.'
That said, she's quick to sing Alan's praises as a father and the two have managed to stay on good terms while negotiating the divorce process. 'You know, Alan's such a brilliant dad that the best thing I can do for AJ is make sure that he and Alan have the best, healthy, wholesome relationship,' Ruth says. 'And that Alan, my child's father, is in a really good place himself. There'd certainly be still a lot of loyalty there to Alan.'
Alongside the new work situation, personally, another new beginning looms - Ruth's divorce has nearly gone through. 'Of course, there will be a sadness, but there will also be a lot of relief, too,' she reflects, understandably. 'To feel open to moving on. There is a teeny part of me, over the last few years, that has kind of been, like, 'I'm not single.' D'you know what I mean? I mean, I'm not a single person because I have a little one, but,' she hesitates, trying to explain her complicated romantic status.
'I have been dating, I'd say, for the last 18 months,' Ruth continues. 'And I've met some lovely guys that were just nowhere near love. People have said to me, 'Oh, it must be very difficult to meet men.' But, it's actually not.
'I don't find it difficult meeting guys my age. Just, I suppose, meeting guys my age that I'd feel comfortable introducing to AJ.'
So far, no one has made it home to meet her son. Ruth agrees that having a small child acts as a type of filter, bringing potential relationships to the make or break point rather more quickly than might otherwise be the case.
'I've only had three relationships. My first relationship was 10 years. Then I had another one that was two years. And then I met and married my ex-husband. I'm not really very experienced with men,' Ruth laughs. 'I've never really dated before, d'you know what I mean? The thing is that, in your 20s, you'd go, 'Ah, sure, that's grand. We'll just keep on having the crack.' Whereas, now, I'm, like, 'Nooo, I'm never gonna introduce you to AJ, so what's the point?''
Was it scary, putting herself back out there? 'I'm quite shy around men. As I say, I've only really had about three boyfriends, so I was really shy about the whole thing. And I'm not so shy any more,' Ruth says, looking quietly proud of herself. 'I mean, I absolutely believe in love. I believe in true love. I believe in synergy. I believe there are lots of lovely men out there, and I think it took a long time for me to get to the place where I feel my child is looked after, he's in school. It's a good time, actually, to meet somebody lovely. And I look forward to that. I look forward to falling in love. And, if I don't fall in love, I don't really mind. I'd rather be on my own.'
After graduating late last year, Ruth took a few months just to decompress, modelling part-time. 'In the last few months, I've been modelling part-time and doing the nice jobs. Because I'm a mum as well, I'm really enjoying it part-time. But I don't want to get lured into it fully. I'm really conscious of that.
'But I maybe underestimated how tired I would be when I finished studying. It was a fairly frantic few years. I'm so glad I did it, but I'm so glad it's over. I was pretty wiped, to be honest, by the time I was finished.'
Ruth was 22 when she started modelling. It seems young, until you consider that most top Irish models nowadays are moving on to their second career - hopeful TV presenter by that age.
Modelling, as a career, had never occurred to her as an option. A school friend's mother asked her to do a wedding show. On the recommendation of this friend's mother, Ruth signed with First Option, 'such lovely people', in the hope of making some money for a planned backpacking trip.
'I was, like, 'Grand, if I even get one job it will be amazing. That'll be half my flight paid for.' And it took off. That was it. Every six months, I'd say, 'I'll do it for another six months'.' She went travelling for a year and a half, working as a model in Sydney for the first six months, before backpacking for the next year with her best friend, Jane.
Sort of like football, the world of modelling, to a slightly lesser extent, offers a certain cocooning quality. Start at a young age, and one risks growing up somewhat out of touch with reality.
'If you're starting your modelling career very young, all you will ever know is an awareness about your appearance, how you look, your height. You're always in comparison to other people. So I would say it would stunt you as a person. It would stunt your character quite a lot. That's why I'm so thankful I was 22 starting it. I was honestly fully formed as a person.
'In modelling, there's very little sense of reality, and maybe everything's just too egocentric. At 22, I'd travelled the world. I'd lived in New York, Paris, London, South of France; au pairing, to London with college friends working for a summer, to family in New York for a summer.'
Ruth has worked since she was 12, describing her upbringing as very privileged, 'but my parents were always, like, if you want anything extra, go sort it out, go figure out how you're going to make that happen.
'So, myself and my sisters were always very industrious.' One summer, aged 15, jobs were scarce, so Ruth went around the neighbours, offering her painting and gardening services.
The online self-promotion necessary to get a modelling career off the ground now is something she thankfully acknowledges she takes no part of, steering clear of Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. 'I had to go on LinkedIn a few weeks ago. I nearly died. I was so nervous doing it, I had to get my sister to come and do it with me.'
Ruth adds, 'My mind and my home is my sanctuary. The people that I let into my mind and my life are tried and tested, and trusted and good people, and I love spending time with them. The thought of having hundreds and thousands of strangers judging what I eat, where I am . . . the idea of it makes me uncomfortable.'
The fact that someone set up a fake Facebook profile hasn't helped in making her understandably chary of the whole online world. The profile existed for one year, with a stranger posing as Ruth - even her sisters were taken in by the false profile.
'That's how unreal and fake it is,' she points out. Unnervingly, the page was full of private photographs, work photos, pictures from inside her wedding reception, which had been lifted from friends' pages. 'This virtual world, it is not real. That things are great and . . . things aren't always great.
'Really, the best part of any day is coming home and being in my little nest with my little chick, and that's what makes me happy. My own personal little world,' Ruth says, looking baffled at the idea of publicly documenting her hard-won sanctuary.
She absolutely wants to have more children, 'Oh, definitely. I definitely see more kids in my future.' The age thing doesn't worry her - her granny had her last child in her mid 40s, she points out.
Any model is probably more conscious of ageing than the average person. 'I'd definitely be conscious of it. It never stressed me out. Particularly since having AJ. As long as my body is strong and my mind is strong, and I have good energy levels. Of course, I want to be attractive as a woman for as long as possible. But now I've come to terms with that. And, to be honest with you, a couple of lines here and there, they can be so attractive.
'I would always want to look well for my age,' she continues. In fact, she's never looked better. Her skin is glowing, and her long, thick hair is all her own - a rarity nowadays, when most models favour extensions. 'After years of modelling, it's in my DNA to be kind of well-groomed and put together. I don't care at all about getting older, as long as I'm happy and healthy.'
The job-hunting is starting in earnest over the next week or two. Ruth was offered an office job in communications in her early days as a model. 'I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd taken the office job? I'm really glad I didn't. I've had so many fabulous experiences. The reason I stuck with modelling for as long as I did was because it afforded me so much freedom. Never chained to a desk.
'I could go backpacking. Take a few weeks off. Different jobs, creative people, different locations. It was very stimulating.'
But she's determined to start a new chapter that will both utilise her new skills, and provide a future for her and her son.
She describes a sort of lifestyle guru - although Ruth would never be so presumptuous as to term herself thus - as her ideal future career.
She possesses a natural elegance and style any woman would want to imitate. The fact that this is teamed with a warm, unthreatening manner would make her a perfect fit for the role.
Beauty, grooming and make-up are her main areas of interest, and she speaks with relish of the idea of being able to make somebody feel better by showing them how to manage this area.
It shows just how far her self-belief has come on over the past few years, how much her studies increased her self-confidence.
'I'm quite a shy person. I was really shy as a kid. My mum had to teach me. I couldn't learn in school because I was so shy. I couldn't read until I was about six. My mum was a teacher and took me aside. She copped what was going on.'
Ruth adds, 'Modelling wouldn't be a very mentally challenging job. That's kind of broadly accepted. So going to business school got me back into using my mind, training myself, pushing myself. I wasn't very confident going in, I really, really wasn't.
'Academically, I'd never really struggled, once my mum taught me how to read. I'm so thankful to her for doing that because, if that had gone, I would have always thought, 'I'm not good at reading, or school.' And my big passion in life is reading. Academically, I would never struggle, thanks to her.
'I think it was just between the marriage breaking down, I'd been modelling for so long, I wasn't applying myself mentally for so long. That's why I think my confidence was in my boots.
'By the end of it, as stressed and as tired as I was, I feel now like I can turn my hand to anything. If I can do that, and raise my child, and get divorced, and work, and not crack up . . . the world is my oyster.'
Download our iPad app now
0 Comment "The model of self-confidence - Irish Independent"
Posting Komentar